I almost didn't say yes.

I almost didn't say yes.

That's the honest truth. I was sixteen years old, a few weeks from turning seventeen, and my youth pastor Mike had invited me to church camp.

I had been carrying some things I'm not going to go into here. Heavy things. And Mike knew.
I had poured all of it out to him.

He knew exactly where I was and exactly how far I was from Jesus. So when he invited me to camp, it wasn't the gospel that got me there.

It was pretty girls. That's the truth. I said yes for the wrong reasons.

When we got there, they divided everyone into small groups and selected some upperclassmen to serve as leaders. Leaders were recommended by their churches. When they started calling names, I was not paying attention. And then I heard mine and let’s just say I was mortified.

There were a few hundred of us there. I pulled Mike aside and told him, You must have given them the wrong name. You got the wrong dude.

Mike looked at me and said something I have never forgotten.

"I see something in you that you do not yet see in yourself. Trust me."

What was I going to do? Say no in front of everyone? So I walked up and grabbed my packet…

Early in the week they had a salvation night where the gospel was shared. And afterward I had to lead my small group. I had to ask if anyone wanted to put their faith in Jesus. I wasn't even sure I had done that myself. But I was reading from the paper they handed me.

I didn't expect anyone to respond.
But… one boy did. My heart went numb.

I said, "Let's pray and I read the words from the prayer written out on the paper, words that helped that boy say out loud what he had been feeling, words about placing his faith in Jesus.

And I watched him do it. My eyes were open; he was praying so intently. A boy giving his life to Jesus. And I was technically the one leading him there.

Not knowing if any of it was real to me yet.

The next few days I was wrestling. Near violently inside, with something I couldn't name. Thursday night the speaker was speaking and I still have no idea what he said.

Because I got up and walked out of the chapel.
Of course the college-aged staff came out after me because the last thing you do at church camp is get up while the speaker is speaking and walk out.

I turned around and said, "I just need Jesus." And I kept walking.

I went a little further and turned around, and they were in a circle praying. For me. And something broke open in my chest.

I fell to my knees at the playground by the swing set, and I told Jesus, "That's it." I'm done.

It wasn't about whether I believed. I can't remember not believing that there was a God. It was about whether I would surrender.

And I did.

I've thought about that night a thousand times since then.
All the things that had to happen to get me to that swingset.

The hard seasons. Mike's invitation. The pretty girls. My name being called. A boy in my small group raising his hand. And Mike's words echoing somewhere underneath all of it…

I see something in you that you do not yet see in yourself.

Here is what I know now that I didn't know then.

God's plan was already in motion long before I understood it. He was moving toward me before I turned toward him.

This is my story... but if you look in the mirror long enough, you are going to find that it's your story too. Different seasons, different reasons, different experiences... but the same Jesus who is walking towards you long before you turned towards Him.